Divorce Effects on Children Essay Text

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Divorce is an unfortunate event for any family, particularly those with children. Studies have shown that approximately 25% of children whose parents divorce suffer psychologically, socially, and academically at some point in their lives. For the most part, research on divorce focuses solely on divorce in the immediate aftermath, usually a two to five year window, so nothing is set in stone. Nonetheless, it is crucial for parents who have decided on divorce to keep in mind that their separation is not only about them.

One major concern is that the children of divorce will come to the conclusion that their parents no longer love them. If one parent moves out, some children will assume responsibility for the separation and respond accordingly. Other children will feel abandoned and betrayed in some fashion, as though their parents have divorced them as well.

On occasion, the children involved are too young to understand the goings on, but regardless of age, they need their parents to support them and their feelings to show them that they are not completely powerless. Particularly if the divorce is messy and full of conflict, a child may feel obligated to choose a side. This can be extremely traumatic for children they love both parents dearly and do not want to choose between them. Divorces are difficult for everyone involved, but divorces full of anger, resentment, and acts of spousal revenge can cause more harm to the child than anything. Children can find themselves caught in the middle of their parents battles, and they may wonder what part they play in the bigger picture.

They thrive on structure and the stability offered by the individuals who raise them, giving them the security of certainty and predictability. When a young girl wakes up in the morning, she will have comfort knowing that when she goes downstairs for breakfast, she will see her mother and her father waiting for her. This routine gives the girl comfort and security because she knows that they will always be there when she wakes up, but that stability is taken away when parents divorce. During divorce, children are at their most vulnerable and may turn to comfort items. They need the stability offered by family life and when that stability is gone, they turn to other things that they believe will never leave them.

Possible comfort items include stuffed toys, blankets, or even items of their parents clothing. Younger children who are just old enough to understand some of the goings on will grieve for the loss of their parents marriage. Adolescents may respond the most strongly, often by lashing out, criticizing both parents for their decisions, and agonizing over the fate of their future relationships. Every child reacts differently depending on his or her age group and gender, so no case is predictable. However, it is important to remember that research on children of divorce is very limited. Most studies only follow children of divorce in the immediate aftermath, usually a two to five year time window. Many children who suffer in the aftermath of divorce recover and avoid the long lasting psychological effects.

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Reassurance and nurturing can go a long way toward helping children of divorce to recover. These days, people are taking marriage and divorce very lightly not realising the consequences following those events, especially the impact on children. According to the oxford dictionary, divorce means legal dissolution of a marriage. In the united states, it is believed that 40% of all marriages end up in divorce ending a marriage is not a one off event, it is a long process and it affects the entire family, including children in every aspect of their lives. The first phase is known as the emotional divorce, which involves negative feelings like anger and hatred taking over the nice feelings like love and affection. This is followed by legal divorce, which means that there is certification to declare that the duo is no longer legally married.

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Then comes the economic divorce, which requires the couple to divide their properties and other valuables accumulated during the marriage equally. The next phase is the co parental divorce which handles issues regarding the custody of the child. Subsequently, the community divorce takes place affecting the social circle as a result of shifting out to a new community. Finally, the last phase is the psychic divorce, which involves adjustment to being single again.

In the case, where there is a child involved in the divorce, the child has to cope through all the 6 phases. Married couples get a divorce even more easily than getting married when they face conflicts. To add on to their problems, they have children too hastily without proper planning to set aside a specific period of living together and getting adjusted to each other before bringing a third person into the relationship. Hence, there is a need to study the effects of divorce on children because those innocent beings will have to face the impact of their parent’s bad decision in marriage and end up being a victim of divorce. Divorce brings detrimental effects on children, as it will cause them to go through emotional and behavioural distress, create negative insights of their own future marriage, and reduce their standard of living and well being as well. As the effect of divorce, children will go through emotional and behavioural distress in order to adapt to the life after divorce.

According to allison and furstenberg 1989 , children of divorced parents experience more emotional and behavioural distress compared to children with intact families. Among the agony that the children will experience, is a decrease in their academic performance resulting in poor grades in school. This can be understood by analysing the kind of situation that a child will have to cope with due to divorce. The child will go through various emotions such as anger towards themselves and the parent that initiated the divorce, fear, betrayal, abandonment, loss, sadness, rejection and loneliness.

The difficulty in making new friends and adjusting to the new environment and teachers are some of the factors that will cause poorer grades compared to his performance in his previous school where everything was within his comfort zone. This usually happens when a child thinks that he or she had caused the divorce to take place. The child would think that the fights and arguments that took place in the household is caused by them and that they have no power to control or stop it, which has led to divorce. This could be due to the child’s limited cognitive abilities causing them to feel puzzled by their parents divorce according to amato and keith 1991 , divorce will also cause a child to miss out the role of a parent who usually is the role model, a shoulder to lean on, a helping hand and a person who corrects them when they are wrong. In most cases, the father is the one that is usually not in the picture, thus will make a child feel unimportant, and deserted. As mentioned in other than that, children of divorce will have negative perception on their own future marriage because they will lose marital trust in a spouse, thus causing instability in their marriage. They will lose trust in their spouse because of their experience with their parents being dishonest in their marriage.

Children of divorce generally will have no idea on what a sustainable marriage is all about. Therefore, when small problems arise in their marriage they come to a dead end because they do not know how to overcome those problems to save a marriage, thus, leading their marriage to divorce too. They will fear obligation and closeness among the couple that a marriage expects of them.

According to franklin, janoff bulman amp roberts 1990 , children of divorce parents have questionable trust on their spouse and they display negative perception on their own marriage. According to wilson 2009 , another effect of divorce on children is ‘sleeper effect’, which is the child carrying the thoughts of what the parents’ had experienced in their marriage and later this affects the child’s own marriage in the future. In addition to the effects of divorce mentioned above, the standard of living and well being of the child will be affected due to the lost of joint income as the single parent now has to cope with the living expenses single handedly. It is not an easy task especially with a child because raising a child can be very demanding. A child will go through deprivation in comforts received prior to the divorce as the child would have lived in a comfortable life out of both the parents’ income. In most cases of divorce, the mothers are usually the custodian of the child who generally has lesser earning capacity than the fathers. As mentioned in w.ces.ncsu.edu , custody given to the opposite gender parent will cause more problems to the child.

As in most cases the mothers are usually the custodian, the boys will face more issues as the father who is the same gender parent is not dominantly present in their life to guide and support them. As mentioned in on the other hand, children whose parents divorce without obvious conflicts and problematic behaviour are likely to lose confidence in marriage too as they will have doubts in the success of their marriage, as their parents who did not appear to have any conflict are still not able to sustain their marriage. At the same time, children whose parents divorce due to severe conflicts are equally affected as the impact of divorce such as living with a single parent and going through the trials and tribulations of being raised by a single parent exists under both circumstances. According to wilson 2009 , there is only a slight reduction in the negative effects of a parental divorce between having a good divorce and a bad divorce as the absence of a parent in their lives makes a lasting impact. Under certain circumstances where there are constant arguments and abuse in troubled marriages, children will experience relief when their parents get divorced. They would feel much safer, happier and more secure especially in the event there is physical abuse in the family. The long term effect of divorce on children could not be denied because of loss of parental touch from both mother and father as well as all the other effects of divorce.

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